Grief : deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement
Can you really separate depression and grief? Doctors call losing a child grief, depression.
Dustin and Luke
In 2005 I lost my only child my son, Dustin in a car accident. Instantly a black hole sucks you in forever. The pain never leaves, the broken heart is always there, a part of you died when your child died.
They tell me I am depressed….no I am grieving. Everything in life is looked at so differently than ever before. There is never a time you can take a wonderful stretch and a huge yawn and feel relaxed. It just ain’t there anymore. Before you close your eyes at night and the first thought of every morning is, “How do I get through this day without Dustin?” I lay for a brief moment then get up and start my new “abnormal” normal day.
Since Dustin’s death I just have to roll with the punches. Changing directions (mentally and emotionally) many times throughout the day is another part of life I now live.
Changing directions is like having detours you have to overcome. The love of my life suffered a massive stroke in 2011. Learning all about strokes, therapy, care giving has really kept me busy. Michael was in rehab from February 11, 2011 to June 23, 2011. Finally he got to come home. With so much to learn life was a bit hectic.
July 11, 2011 my Daddy passed away. Again changing directions. My 82 year old Mother decided she didn’t want to live in the country by herself so we moved her in with us. Another direction change.
Me and Luke
March 9, 2011 my son's best friend and the one in the car accident with him passed away at 23 years of age, heroin overdose. It was like losing Dustin all over again. I wasn't sure I could make it but I did. I miss him dearly.
With all of this around me I find it best to say I chose the right detours and have landed on my feet. I like myself, my new “abnormal” normal life is good. Do I still grieve it all? Absolutely, my heart feels the hurt all the time but I have learned to work through the pain. You can too!
“Rule your circumstances don’t let them rule you.”
Have a blessed day and learn to change directions.