Thursday, March 28, 2013

Appreciate and the Loss of a Child

ap·pre·ci·ate  verb \ə-ˈprē-shē-ˌāt

1.a : to grasp the nature, worth, quality, or significance of <appreciate the difference between right and wrong> b : to value or admire highly <appreciates our work> c : to judge with heightened perception or understanding : be fully aware of <must see it to appreciate it> d : to recognize with gratitude <certainly appreciates your kindness> 

It is amazing what some people appreciate and the things or people that they don't.

I associate appreciate with taking for granted.  Day to day we take for granted all the ones we love with be here tomorrow when tomorrow is not promised to any of us at any time.  I am guilty too. 

 For example I had gone to bed early around 8:30 PM to get up early for work.  It was summer and my son was home with his friend shooting pool.  

He woke me up to tell me he was going fishing at a friend's cabin.  He loved to fish for catfish and that was done at night.  This was a place he had know all of his 17 years of life.  He knocked on my bedroom door to tell me where he was going, then said, "love ya" and I told him, "Love you too be careful."

Little did I know that those were the last words I would ever say to my son Dustin, my only child.

It was 12:24 AM  the phone rang louder than I had ever heard.  I answered as I tried to sound awake.  A friend of mine on the other end said, "Nancy, Dusty has been in a terrible accident and they are going to life flight him."  Screaming I woke up quick to call another friend to take me to the hospital.  Aimlessly I search for clothes as though I was in someone else's place.  I decided to call David back, "David now you tell me the truth, how bad is it."  I wasn't sure but know now he was crying as he responded, "It's bad Nancy it's really bad."  

Trying to keep it together my friend came to get me and they had decided to take Dusty to our local hospital which is a block from our house. 

It was a dream world that I was walking in to even though I knew that place well having worked there for a short period.  I gave them the insurance info and they escorted my friend and I to a small little room.  How nice it was for them to do that.

Nurses kept coming in asking for his Dad's phone number and address.  "I couldn't tell you my address right now."   He didn't have a phone so I did finally tell them where he lived.

At last the doctor came in as it had seemed like forever before they let me know anything.  He was telling me about his injuries and I rudely interrupted, "I want to know how he is now and when can I see him."  The words from that doctor haunt me still today, "Well he's dead."  I remember falling out of the chair to the floor and whaling.  This could not be true, this is a night mare.

They helped me up from the floor and I hear a nurse, "Mrs. Davis do you want Dustin to be an organ donor?"  Spinning around I spoke some horrible words to that nurse.  Walking away I hear another nurse's voice, "Nancy, it is on his driver license that he wanted to be a donor."  My mind flashed back to when he begged me to let him be a donor.  Once again I spun around to tell this nurse off too when someone that was with me because by this time there were about 20 people around me spoke,"Nancy, you always gave Dusty everything he ever wanted.  Now is your last time to give him what he wanted."

Screaming and cussing I agreed.  All of a sudden the nurse came to take my arm and whisk me away.  "What are you doing and where are you taking me?"  she replied that the Lifeline of Ohio had to talk to me immediately.  "Are you serious I can't eve talk yet and I need a cigarette first."  She told me there was no smoking on the hospital grounds and again I told her a thing or two and walked away. 

Barely remembering much more I do recall a police officer telling the nurse to get me under control.  She said I have been trying to but she won't.  The same thing happened, I turned and looked at the nurse and officer, screaming, "Tell me just exactly how would you be doing if they had just told you that your only child had died?  Should I be celebrating?"   Again some unpleasant words that I didn't even know I knew came out.

I am surrounded by friends and loved ones outside.  I was smoking when the maintenance crew brought out chairs for everyone there.

It was time now for me to talk to Life Line of Ohio for the donor information.  From my birth outside of losing my son and Father this was the most agnoizing, heart breaking, most horrible thing to go through after you just lost the love of  life and your rock.  Awful I tell you awful.  There are no words to describe the devastation from going through the process.  I would never do it again nor would I ever have someone have to do it to me.

My mind was racing did I appreciate my son enough?  Did he know he was loved?  I knew well that I did appreciate him so much and loved him with all of my heart and he knew it.

Since his death I have lost my Daddy, an Uncle and Dustin's best friend that was in the accident with him.  I relived the entire ordeal again as I loved Luke and talked and texted him often.

 Luke was holding a picture of Dusty with raffia around it with a rose.  Luke's Dad said that was the rose Luke got from Dusty's graveside.

Again appreciation came to mind but I knew Luke knew I not only appreciate him but I loved him dearly.

Please let all of those around you know you not only love them but that you appreciate them too.  

Appreciation is huge and people like to know they are appreciated.

Have a wonderful Thursday and appreciate that you got up and so did your love ones.


Monday, March 25, 2013

Stand up for Yourself

There comes a time in life when you get old enough to really speak your mind.  Maybe this isn't something that you would have done when you were younger.

This has happened to me.  Once a quiet (when controversy, Gabby the rest of the time) I shunned to not get involved.  I was afraid of what would happen or how someone might feel.  Now it isn't that I don't care it's is just something comes over me and I have to speak my mind.  Much of this came into play when my Parents were in the hospital and they were going to be treated right and with dignity.  

It is not that I am that ol' grumpy woman.  I am happy with myself inside so therefore I am at peace.  All that goes on around me it only here for a time.

I see it this way nobody knows what you are thinking if you don't let them know.  Women's rights these days are under attack.  Are you just going to let the Governor, Senators and Representatives steal our rights.  If we do it may come a time when being a woman will be back to caveman days.  Doesn't make you want to scream that men make more money than women for the same job?

So slowly get yourself to speak up for yourself.  Here are a few ways to get started.
  • If your order food and don't like it let them know.  Don't pay for something that you don't like.  This can be done nicely.
  • If somebody cuts in line before you, "Excuse me the back of the line is (and point).
  • Your boss is asking you to do more than you can do.  Ask him if it can wait until you get other jobs completed.
  • Your children are actin up, let them know.  Explain, talk to them.
  • Walk with your head held high!  You are a WOMAN!
  • A wonderful article to read Learn to Stand Up for Yourself
Enjoy your day and try something different for YOU!

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Spring Fever

Cannot wait to get started outside.  Here are some things I want to do this year.  Also a pic of our backyard today in the Spring Time.

There were some beautiful cardinals so I sneaked out to take pics but they were too smart for that.  Here is today March 24, 2013.

My New Blog

Formally I was My Eclectic Loft but it didn't do well at all.  Here goes another one after my heart writing.

I love vintage and I love writing.  I will do both here.  I will talk about vintage items.

Enjoy the day.

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Berry Whine: Geneology

Berry Whine: Geneology: I have a great love for Geneology.  Searching for my family from England has informed me so much as to who our family is today. From time ...

2nd Amendment

Berry Whine is not a political blog; however from time to time I will bring up a topic to see how you feel.

So much is happening in America now it is hard to keep up with what is the latest topic.

Our house is a firm believer of the 2nd Amendment and we own a gun.  How do you feel about the probable new gun laws.  Background search, smaller clips, etc.

By the way Gabby Gifford's words ( ) yesterday were all inspiring.  Hope you agree.

How do you feel?   Please keep posts clean.

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

The Aflac Duck

I was so sad when the Aflac duck fractured his beak.  He truly is the love of my life.

Anything that makes an adult stick a spring clothespin in her mouth and walk around, "Aflac" is serious about the Aflac duck.

At one time I had an Aflac duck that when squeezed said, "Aflac."  Oddly enough he came up missing at work.  I was distraught.

There is a FB page that you can keep up with the Aflac duck and send him a get well card.

Stop by when you have time to send him a card, it will be appreciated.